Grief Analyzed
No, this will not be profound.
It would not surprise most of you, however, that we have run out of medical terms and tests and procedures to study. That may change as Jane picks her next project, (world hunger, Iraq, stem cell donation processes?), but for now we still have lots to rearrange, manage, sort, and restart.
We are also not short of books and articles and advice on grieving, nor is life insulating us from inputs to the process. As we approach our first 30 days without Drew, we have already had two birthdays to celebrate/cry, the 4th of July fireworks (we stayed home), a weekend sports tournament (we decided to go - to see niece Blair at volleyball Nationals), a typical set of problems (car got hit, air conditioner died, summer colds passed through, cell phone bills arrived). We cringe as nearly every TV show seems to have a cancer story and every sport has a player with "spirit" who gets all the attention.
We have had to work through some dilemas, like what do you do with his cool t-shirts that fit (wear them proudly). Should we repair the door he punched through when the cancer returned (yes). Do you program his cell phone number on your new phone (probably not, but it is hard). Should we continue the indoor contact sports in the family room until, each time, we break something or slightly injure someone (yes, only now Drew won't win every time). Should we keep the blog (yes) and keep posting (for a while...we seem to keep coming back). Should we return the "Llewellyn Place" street signs (probably).
We don't expect to make it through the day without diving into blank-stare moments of anger or sadness (we don't make it through many hours without it). We are doing the right stuff by the many books we received. They say useful things: don't hide the pictures, don't pack up the junk too quickly, and don't pack up the memories at all. We don't avoid saying "but Drew would have loved that, or broken that already" or "remember the time...". In fact, we are doing quite well at continuing the Drew stories theme, and the stories keep coming in. Thank you for your help.
Hopefully, we will be good grievers. The books say it lasts a long time.
Labels: Remembering Drew
posted by Boxley @ 10:38 PM
12 comments
12 Comments:
Dear Jane and Boxley, we think of you all often, anticipate Ben's return [hence your loss] and continue to be heartened by your spirit! Drew's memory lives on in all of us. We passed the "park where we took Drew for 'new years' to watch the fireworks" -Lizzie, and remember him yet again - such a fine young man. You are doing splendidly, hugs and much love from downunder, visit us soon, Rhonda
As I listened to the fireworks last night, I thought of how you would be celebrating. It is a lonely feeling and yes the grief will change everyday. It's like a roller coaster ride. You are so blessed to have a family so near.
Don't give up those things that are special and remind you of Drew. It would hurt worse and not to any good to get rid of anything at this time. Leave it and go on with any of your new projects. Staying busy helps!!!
Love to the whole Family...
Sounds to me like you are making awfully good decisions! This is a time that people frequently lose all ability to make any decison-brown shoes with black pants vs black shoes with black pants can end up being one shoe of each. So, many cheers for the Llewellyn team for dealing with the everyday tasks that life presents!
As long as your grief lasts, that's how long I, and countless others, will be thinking of you and Drew. A day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought of you and prayed for you, and it's going to stay that way for a long, long, long, LONG time.
No one can decide so soon what you should do with all those treasures that will remind you of Drew. In time they will find it's way to where it really needs to go and them you will feel good about that. Don't rush his memory away.
We are all grieving with you at your loss of Drew. Just remember Drew was not a loss, He is a beautiful memory.
I lost my best friend a year and a half ago- her cell phone number is on my new cell phone- I was devastated when I lost her last voice mail message - I would encourage you to do whatever to make sure you can hold on to any voice mail messages you have. I would also make it a priority to transfer all VHS tapes to DVD and everytime technology is updated let Drew be a priority.
One step at a time...one day at a time. You are amazing and you can only make the best decisions the best you can at the time. You can't look back. Life goes on. There is a reason for everything. Thinking of you always.
Love and prayers,
Pam & Charles
I echo Leslie's sentiments. Team Llew has a whole host of people who are determined to not forget Drew's struggle, to be inspired daily by his strength, and to help you add to your memories with lots of storytelling.
I check the blog daily, to see how you all are doing. It's encouraging to know what Waldo won the battle. Drew may have set the precedent to save someone else's life. That is a major gift and one that will affect so many people to come.
Lots of Prayers & Love,
Lora Denton
I read your blog everyday. You guys are so special to be doing what you are doing. This is called keeping Drew alive. Never let him go. Because of Drew, you created this Blog and there are others learning from your experience. We all have a greiving process and sharing your grief is helping to overcome ours.
Team Llewellyn, I received a letter from a friend yesterday telling us of a 26 mile Marathon she was going to run in. It is sometime this fall and she will be training until then. The run is for Research for Lymphoma. I just couldn't believe the timing. I had been struggling trying to determine what more I could do and then the letter appeared. I immediately send her a check and a note telling her about the "Drew" story and how proud I was of her. She sent a thank you note back and told me she was going to add Drew to her "Dedication" for the run. Wow, Drew is still inspiring others and I know he will a lifetime. Love to All, susie and family
Should we return the "Llewellyn Place" street signs (probably).
I say ask Ben first!
Thank you so much for sharing your emotional struggle with Drew's passing and the "wins" for you and your family. The pain of your loss never subsides totally but over time, I pray that only good memories come to your heart and minds first when reminders of Drew happen. His life and struggle continue to inspire me to do fund-raising work for cancer research and bone marrow/stem cell as I see what a difference it can make in one person's life. I have a truer appreciation for the communal team spirit you shared with the medical staff at Duke. I received a very sincere letter today from Duke thanking me for the donation in Drew's honor. Let's all keep up the fight for continuing that research and working for more cord blood donations!
Hang in there knowing that Drew touched the lives of many people in the C.V. neighborhood.
M.C.
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